There was one and half years in Germany (we moved there, my kids and ex, because he was in the Army) that I did not have a dog in my home, because I had to leave him in the States (it was a wise choice, one I was devastated to make, but it was the RIGHT choice).
I never realized how much I missed having a dog in my home, until we decided to get another. I was DEAD SET against it. I felt I was being unfaithful to my beloved Bubba, but I caved. I wanted another pug, and the ex wanted a "big dog" and offered several for my inspection, to which I decided on the DDB.
I was skeptical about getting such a large breed, considering I had small children, but read up on them endlessly, I had fallen in love with their looks, although it wasn't until I got at the breeders, that I fell in love with their temperament.
You see, I met Brenda. My breeders girl. Oh what a delight she was! One of the happiest dogs I have ever seen, what I ADORED is how she honestly didn't realize how big she truly was. I could NOT get over the size of her noggin! It was the biggest head on a dog I had ever seen, she was so friendly, she also demanded attention from all. I thought surely they couldn't all be like this, but part of me was really won over by that girl, how I'd love to see her once again!
So we got our Boris that day. I was determined not to fall as hard as I had for my pugs, I still felt bad about Bubba.. but it wasn't long (A few hours? A day?) that I started doting on this wonderful big boy I had in my life now. I remember thinking "This is not a puppy. Puppies aren't this big." BOY did I have a lot to learn! I kept thinking as he was growing "Well surely he won't get much bigger?" um, yeah, he kept growing and growing, but his disposition was nothing short of amazing.
I fell wholeheartedly in love with him, then we got his brother a few months later. Mortimer was special, not that Boris wasn't, but it was different. You see, unlike Boris, he was skittish and unsure, scared, and so very hungry, but he loved me, how he loved me! In my lap, by my side, demanding a spot on the bed with me, yes, he loved me, and he let me know it. Demanding my constant attention, watching everywhere I went in the house, very "pug" like.
This guy clearly needed all the love I could give him, and he got it, if he didn't feel he was getting enough, he'd let me know. Rarely was a time I wasn't sitting on the computer, without him right on my feet, it was a much desired place to be, often he and Boris would both try to fit under my desk, which would result in me having to scoot my chair way out and lean in to even be on the computer. I had about a year with this wonderful boy, and yet I have memories to last a lifetime, with his love to match. I will never get over losing him, as he was very, very special.
When we arrived back at the states, I was to get my pug, Bubba back, that took a few months longer than I'd have liked, due to the divorce and things going on in my home. As soon as I moved to where I was going to live, I went to get my little old man. I won't lie and say he ran to me and remembered me fully. He was not the dog I had left behind, the years had taken their toll on his body and eyes. He had lost an eye while I was gone the other he had gone almost completely blind in, but he did remember me, I saw that. It was a bittersweet moment, as I was so happy to have him, yet so saddened to see that he was so old, even though I knew he would be.
Bringing him home felt like a huge part of my life was where it was supposed to be, I accommodated his every need, made sure things were where he knew they'd be so he wouldn't have to search hard, carried him down the stairs and walked slowly beside him outside so he would know I was there, dragging my feet so he'd know where I was, reaching down to touch him often, reassuring him I hadn't left him alone.
My children were ecstatic to have their old man back, they babied him endlessly, most nights Gunnar would elect to sleep on the floor to be with Bubba, as I would not put him in bed for fear he might fall off if he got up in the night not knowing where he was.
I had him a few precious months, they are months that I cherish with all my heart. I knew his time was drawing near, yet I clung to the hope that he'd feel better, I clung as tight as I could to hope that he'd feel better, though I knew, in my heart. I had guilt still of leaving him, no matter how right the choice was, but he let me know that he had not forgotten me, and that he still loved me.
When the time came, I held him as he crossed the bridge. Something that I never had been able to do before with my others, but something changed in me, I knew he needed me there until the end. As he went, I whispered my love for him, let him know that it was okay to go, to go run again, to play again, to meet his brothers and sisters at the bridge, and finally to give a request, to ask him once again, to wait for me, because we will meet again, if my dreams of what it will be when I go are true. Most of all I thanked him, thanked him for waiting for me, for being there, for loving me again, taking a chance and putting his love for me there again, and apologized for leaving him behind when we went to Germany.
I thought it'd be awhile before I got another pug, as Bubba's passing really devastated me. I was going to wait, I truly was... but found myself "just looking" around "to see" about puppies, just checking, keeping in mind it wasn't "the best time" to get a puppy. I did this for a bit.. then I decided to "just call and see" about a little girl I had absolutely fallen for through a photo. I was just CALLING to see, that's all, nothing more. I picked her up a few days later, because I am a sucker, a SUCKER.
Best Christmas gift to myself ... period.
I knew I had been hurting by the passing of Bubba, I knew the kids and Boris also missed him, though I don't think I realized just how much of a hole he had left for everyone, it was as big as mine was, maybe bigger for them.
Holly might not have came at the "best time" for a puppy, but she was the perfect thing to have happened for us all. How she has livened it up around here, the change in the boys and especially Boris is nothing short of phenomenal.
Life isn't always about what time is the "best time", or what is the "best choice", sometimes flying by the seat of your pants can change everything. It was a quote I saw today that got me to thinking about this post, it said "Happiness often sneaks in a door you didn't realize was open". Such wonderful, true words.
As I wrap this up, I want to let everyone know that Boris and Holly are a wonderful team, my family feels whole again, something that was torn to shreds a year and a half ago is now back together, healed, in a new shape, better than it ever was. I'd like to thank everyone who is a "fan" on their facebook page, and for all the wonderful likes, comments and shares on my photos, it warms my heart that something I can do, be it as simple as a photo of my beloveds, can touch people in a way I never thought possible.
